I have literally been trying to make every person I meet or already know, happy with who I am.
It is exhausting. When I'm alone I think about the things I said or did and wonder if the people I was with approve. Did I hurt their feelings? Did I offend them? Are they going to hate me?
God has shown me something recently. I've been spending more time in His word and I know that I am not living for Him. I should be less concerned with people's opinions of me and more attuned to His thinking of me. I know that the way I live sometimes is not what God wants from me. It's not what I want from me either.
I don't know why I am scared. Scared to live out loud on fire for my God. I'm scared some people I love won't understand since I'm not always "all in" for my Savior. I'm scared they won't forgive me and they'll only see me as a hypocrite.
I do know that I should not be scared. Living for God is worth any pain or struggle. I want my kids to have a great example of how to live for God and to know that it is worth it.
I am willing to endure for Him. I want to love Him with every part of my life. I will fall and fail over and over, but with His forgiveness and love I can make it.
It is worth it.
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.